The Madness Within
by Bal187
Summary: The story of a young Remus Lupin, 10 years old, eagerly anticipating his first year at Hogwarts when he recieves his terrible affliction.


**The Madness Within**

I've always prided myself upon my young life. I excelled at school, I had a few good friends, and my parents were always proud of me. Especially my Muggle mother. She loved my father and I for who we were, and she had never been afraid of those special talents that we had. You see, my father and I, we were members of the wizarding world. I myself was only a small boy, of the age of 10, at this time, so I was still an under-age wizard. But my father knew of my talents early on. Cupboards full of sugar cookies that were too high to reach were found inexplicably open, or the closet with my father's broomstick was suddenly found unlocked. My father took it upon himself to hone my talents, to make sure that before I went to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, I would be able to make good use of the wizard blood in me.

Since I had heard of the school and its glory, I had been anticipating the day that I would be able to go to this wondrous place. My family lived in a mostly Muggle village, and there wasn't another wizard for miles around. So such exposure to a large amount of wizards seemed incredible to me.

It was a very warm afternoon of June when I was outside playing with our dog, Magnus. Magnus and I had a little game where we would race across the fields of our house, and the first to reach the end would jump in the small pond and wait for the other to jump in as well. I was just about to start the fifth race of the day when my father gave a whoop of delight inside the house. Curious, I headed towards my home. I could hear my mother talking excitedly, and when I looked through the window, I saw her crying and smiling. I went inside to ask what was going on, when my father rushed out to the front room anyways.

"Son, you've been accepted! Oh, this is such a proud day for me, I will always remember this day! My son will be trained as a wizard, under the greatest Headmaster of Hogwarts- Albus Dumbledore! What an honor!" And my father walked away, still talking about honor, and great days, and how I was going to become a great wizard to do him proud.  
My mother was walking towards me, and though I didn't realize it, I had tears in my eyes. I didn't want to leave her.

"Oh, please don't cry, Remus. You are going to do something very great. I can stand being away from you for a few months. Besides, I will always see you at Christmas and summertime. I don't want you wasting this precious gift of yours just because you miss your mother," she finished, but I could tell she was on the verge of tears, and they weren't happy tears.

I gave her a hard hug, and I didn't want to let go. My father came back, still muttering about the good old days when he was at Hogwarts, and how his dad had went to Hogwarts. He saw the both of us, and figuring it was a happy moment, engulfed us both in his giant arms. "You're going to do great, Remus."

A few hours later, I was in my room, practicing wand movements with my hand out of a book that my father had given to me. One seemed particularly interesting- the charm that allowed objects to float above ground. _Wow_, I thought, _this is pretty amazing stuff._ I continued to practice my movements for another hour when I heard a rap on my window. I opened it and looked outside, where a few of my Muggle friends had collected on their bikes.

"Come on, Remus! You can't study all day! It's the summer holidays and school doesn't start till September! We got a case of bottle rockets; we can launch them in Old Murphy's field." Murphy was our next-door neighbor. He was very old and quite senile, so there was no one to tend to his fields, and thus they had become a playing field for the children of the area.

"Oh, all right," I answered. "I'll be right down, just give me a few minutes."

I grabbed my coat that my father had given me for my 9th birthday. I galloped downstairs and gave my mother a kiss on the cheek, telling her I was going out for an hour or so. She told me the regular 'be-careful' and 'don't be late'. I supposed my father had to go into the office late for some reason. He was a member of the Law Enforcement Department for the Ministry of Magic. He had been a Hit-Wizard, but decided he needed a safer line of work when I was born, so he had taken a desk job. They always called him out late for some reason or another. I was heading out the door when I looked out the window. A full moon was visible through the slight cloud cover. My mother had many Muggle superstitions, and believed that the full moon caused a lot of people to go insane- temporarily, at least. I shook my head of these musings, and walked out the door.

Hopping on my bike, I raced off in front of my friends, who had dismounted to wait for me. "Last one to Murphy's field can eat a few slugs when he gets there!" I yelled behind me, and pushed the pedals as hard as I could.

The wind was blowing in my hair, the air was warm, and they were going to launch fireworks in an abandoned wheat field. _All of summer should be like this_, I thought. _Nothing but nice weather and bottle-rockets to shoot off_. I looked behind me, and my friends were tailing. I sped up, intent to prove that I was always the fastest bike-rider in my group. I was nearly at Murphy's field when the wind suddenly stopped. The air turned cold. I stopped my bike and looked around. My friends were gone. What was going on? Where had they gone?

"This better not be some joke, guys, because you'll be in real trouble if it is!" I was shouting at nothing, I knew. No one was there. The wind, absent, suddenly picked up again. I was being an idiot for nothing. What was I scared of? I was ready to kick up the pedals and head back home, when I heard a low whimpering from the side of the road, in our own fields. _Magnus?_ I wondered. Was he hurt?

I dropped the bike to the dusty road and walked cautiously to the tall grass of the bush. The whimpering continued, and I wondered if Magnus had been hurt by something. I decided to risk calling him. "Magnus!" This whimpering stopped immediately. It was replaced by a silence, and then a low growling. I took a step backwards. Magnus wasn't back there. The low growling soon became a series of loud barks and howls, and one long howl which raised the hairs on the back of my neck and chilled my skin. I felt heavy footsteps on the ground. It, whatever it was, was getting closer. I backed away so quickly, I tripped on my own feet and fell to the floor. Whatever was beyond that bush would be here in a few seconds, and I needed to get to my bike. I climbed to my feet and ran to the road, where I heard the bush behind me rustle and split apart. I risked a look behind. What I saw, I remember to this day. A large dog was standing – _standing? – _with its arms in the air, growling menacingly. It was walking on its hind-legs, and it bared its teeth when it saw me. The color of its skin was as black as the night, and its eyes an evil yellow, which were focused on catching me right now. My head spinning, I jumped on my bike and kicked off. I tried to pedal as fast as I could, but my legs were seized up with fear, and I had a slow start.

I looked behind me, and the dog had dropped to all four legs, and was steadily gaining on me. My heart and my head were pounding, and for some strange reason, I felt like giving up, because death seemed inevitable. _Who knows?_ I thought, _it might not even hurt_. But I kept pedaling, and soon my home was visible. My heart leapt with joy. I was safe as soon as I got home. I quickly looked behind, and I saw that the dog was nowhere to be found. Things were getting better it seemed. I was ready to turn to stop the bike in front of the house, when I heard a loud roar to my left and I was knocked right off the bike. What happened next was confusing as I had bits and pieces left in my mind. The dog had ran into the field to cut me off before I got home, and had hit me by jumping right out of the ditch and onto my bike. It was standing on my chest, on all fours, growling in my face. Giving a loud howl, it bit into my shoulder. I screamed in pain, I screamed at my helplessness, and why my parents weren't helping me. _I'm going to be eaten alive_, I thought, _and I can't do anything about it. Maybe this dog will have mercy and just kill me._ The dog lifted its head again, and I could feel the pain spreading throughout my body, and I knew that my arm was broken because I couldn't move it. When the dog lowered its head again, presumably to bite my other arm, I heard a loud _CRACK!_ in the air. Nearly a second later, I heard "_Impedimenta!" _then "_Incarcerous!_" and I felt the weight that was on my chest and stomach shift off and I felt a loud crash next to me.

The last words I heard before I lost awareness were my father muttering, "Oh, please, God no." And then everything went black.

When I awoke later, I was in someone's arms, being run off to somewhere. I couldn't open my eyes and my mouth and throat felt to dry, so I didn't attempt to talk. Finally, when the person carrying me stopped running, I tried to open my eyes. At first, all I saw was a white ceiling, and white walls. I shifted my head, and there I saw my father, tears in his eyes, which were bloodshot. I heard someone crying to his left, and I was pretty sure it was my mother.

"My goodness, what happened to him?" This was a strange voice, I had never heard before.

My father spoke. "He was attacked an hour ago. It was a..a..." He stopped.

There was a pause, and I was pretty sure that the owner of the strange voice was checking me over. I still didn't feel capable of speech, so I kept my mouth closed.

"I understand," the voice said kindly. Take him to the first floor, Creature-Induced Injuries. Tanaka Black ward is where you want to go. I will tell Healer Prewett to expect you."

"Thank you, thank you!" My father rushed off with me, still in his arms. I felt him climbing some steps, another quick dash down another white hallway with brilliantly bright crystal orbs attached for light. My father stopped and I heard a gasp of "Dear Lord, get him in a bed right away!" I was being taken away from my father, I tried to hold on to him, but he grabbed my hand and said "I'm not going anywhere, son. Don't worry." I looked into his face and saw a forced smile on his face, but fresh tears coming out of his eyes. He gripped my hand even tighter. I tried to smile back, but a strange hand holding a wand blocked my view. I felt a rap on my forehead and everything went black again.

I awoke much later, and my mouth was even dryer. My eyes almost refused to open, and when they did, the bright lights punished me for my disobedience to body parts. Temporarily blinded, I tried to move my arms. To my surprise, my arm was moving, but painfully still. They must have healed the bones. The spots began to fade in front of my eyes, and I heard "He's waking up, keep quiet now!" That was my mother. Farther away, I heard two men arguing.

"I don't care about your anti-Muggle protection. I have already spoken to the Minister of Magic about this matter, and he assures me that she can be here. She is my wife, for God's sake, and his mother!" That was my father.

"All right, all right. If the Minister of Magic is involved, then who am I to argue?" I heard footsteps lead away from where I was lying.

My eyes, fully back to normal, darted around the room in where I was being kept. Across from the bed in which I lay, were two large chairs, which were both empty. Where was my mother?

I shifted my head slightly, and there she was, crying but smiling at the same time. She did that a lot. She put her hand to my forehead, muttering, "Oh, Remus, Remus, Remus." She kept repeating my name until my father entered in from the left. I turned to look at him. He looked extremely tired, his eyes still bloodshot, and there was a certain slouch to his figure. But he was still smiling, despite his face not wanting to do so. He put his hand on top my mothers, which was still caressing my forehead.

"How are you feeling, son?"

I tried to speak, but my mouth was so dry that tears began to well up in my eyes, just because I was so frustrated. Frustrated that I couldn't even talk, that I was causing my parents so much trouble, that I had been bitten by that dog in the first place.

My father quickly got a glass of water and sat me up. I gulped it down like a fish. I hadn't even realized how thirsty I had been.

My throat feeling much less parched, I spoke. "I'm a bit better, dad. I guess they fixed my broken arm?" I looked down at my arm, which was bound in bandages.

My father nodded.

I couldn't take it anymore. Why were they so downtrodden? I was still alive. My arm was going to be better, and from the looks of it, father already had the creature killed. Why were they still so sad? I decided to ask them.

"I'm going to be better, right dad? I mean, if my arms is gonna be better and all, why are you guys so sad? Did the dog get away? Is that why you guys are so disappointed?"  
My fathers eyes flashed, and my mother moved away and began sobbing quietly in the corner of the room.

"What's going on, dad? What aren't you telling me?"

My father took a deep breath before continuing. He seemed even more tired now.

"Son, what you have to understand, that no matter whom you are, or what you do, your mother and I will always love you. No matter what, do you understand that?" He was speaking as though we were all approaching the apocalypse. I nodded agreement.

"Son, that creature that bit you, it wasn't a dog. It was a werewolf, and it's given you its curse." He spoke the last sentence very quickly, as though it were poisoning his tongue if it stayed there too long.

I was nonplussed, but my mother began to sob even harder. "What's a werewolf, dad? What curse are you talking about it? I'm gonna be all right, aren't I?"

"A were-wolf is a half-man, half-wolf. A were-wolf can live out the human portion of his life very easily, though sickness does come easily to them. But every full moon, the man is forced to transform into a man-wolf, and he is no longer in his right state of mind." My father spoke these words very dead-like, and as I looked at him, his body began to shake.

My head was buzzing, as though someone had turned something on that had been off for a long time. I was getting rather dizzy.

"When in the state of wolf, the man has no choice but to do one thing- hunt. The werewolf distinguishes not in its prey, and he would know no difference between a deer and his own best friend."

"Roman, stop!" my mother whispered.

"Martha, he has a right to know! My son will not grow up unawares! My son will lead a normal life!" He was shouting now. He wanted to cling on to the last string there was- that I would live as normal a life as possible.

Something clicked in my mind. "Dad, will this affect my going to Hogwarts? Am I going to have to live separately from everyone else?"

My father's anger vanished. He was now very close to falling apart right in front of me. When he spoke it was in a bitter whisper. "I'm afraid, son, that you cannot go to Hogwarts. There is to great a danger to other students and people, and we cannot risk their lives for mine and your mothers own pride." As he said this, I realized that his dream of me becoming a great wizard was coming apart right at the seams.

And the final truth hit me – _I was not going to Hogwarts._ I sank back down to the bed, and closed my eyes, refusing to look at either of my parents. I knew if I did, I would just begin to cry, and make my mother feel worse.

My father said something. "One of the healers is going to come in, and he will show you some of the things that you will have to do now...." He trailed off.

"We'll be back later, Remus. We have to send owls to some people, but we will be back." There was no sad note to my mothers voice now, and she sounded firm and strong. I didn't open my eyes, but merely nodded.

"Go to sleep now, son." I felt a familiar tap on the forehead, and I drifted off into a dreamless sleep. I was thankful for that, because I was sure I would have dreamed of a giant black wolf chasing after me, and Hogwarts, which was just in reach, had slipped through my fingers like sand.

I awoke once more, but this time not feeling happy or even tired. I was too depressed to be tired right now. I heard low muttering to my left, and I opened my eyes. I was disappointed to find the door closed, and I could only hear snippets of the conversation outside.

"...only a minute?...no, sir....the boy needs rest....am a healer....very well, very well, Headmaster!" the man finished loudly.

"Thank you, Healer Prewett." That was a voice I did not recognize. The voice was old, but dignified, and had a hint of humor beneath it. And it was loud enough to hear clearly through the door. The door opened, but I made no effort to pretend I was asleep. When I saw who walked through the door, I dropped my jaw in amazement.

"Professor D-D-Dumbledore??" I stammered. Why was he here, in St. Mungos Hospital of all places?

"Ah, young Mr. Lupin. I see you have awakened from your sleep. May I have a word, Remus?" His voice was polite, and he looked at me above his crescent-moon glasses with a benign smile and knowing eyes.

"Of course, Professor, please sit down!" Dumbledore withdrew his wand and conjured up an ornate, very comfortable looking chair, and sat down in it.

"Thank you, Remus."

"I'll take my leave then, Headmaster." I looked up and saw Healer Prewett, whom I did not even realize was hovering near the door.

"Thank you, Healer. I will be by later to discuss some things of importance." The way Dumbledore said 'importance' made Prewett immediately understand.

"Yes, Headmaster, sir. I will be in my office, awaiting your arrival." He bowed his bald head, and strolled away.

"Well then, Remus, you seem to know who I am. For that I am pleasantly surprised and very flattered." I could see humor in those eyes as well. I was still somewhat stunned.

"Of course, Professor, I know who you are!" I began to babble excitedly. "I've read all about you, how you vanquished the Dark Wizard Grindelwald and helped the Muggle people to achieve victory over evil in their own war! Some consider you the greatest wizard of our time, sir," I finished, and was surprised to see Dumbledore chuckle.

"Please, Mr. Lupin, you are making me blush. Even my own teachers rarely do that."

I smiled. Dumbledore's presence seemed to have a calming affect on myself. I could feel my depression ebbing away.

"Where are my parents, sir?"

"I have sent your parents home. They have been sitting here with you for nearly three days, and both look extremely exhausted. I told them to get at least 10 hours of sleep, for they are no good to you dead tired."

"Thank you, sir. They wouldn't go home even if I asked them to." Dumbledore was even nicer in person, I decided.

"So, Remus, there is something that I need to speak to you about."

The depression and dread that was leaving suddenly came flooding back. Dumbledore had come to confirm the fact that I would not be attending Hogwarts this year, or next year, or ever.

"I have encountered your form of lycanthropy in many different cases, Remus, and yours seems different from all other cases in only one way- you are still very young, Remus, and you have your whole life ahead of you."

His eyes were now boring into mine.

"When your father sent me an owl regarding the curse that you are under, and that how he decided that you would not be attending Hogwarts for the safety of others, I decided to come and see you for myself. I had taught your father Transfiguration myself, and I knew him since he was a child."

Where was Dumbledore going with this?

"Now, I assume that Healer Prewett has taught you all about what will happen when you turn into a werewolf?" I nodded. "And he has also taught you about Wolfsbane, I assume?" I nodded again, but at the same time I grimaced. The stuff was disgusting.

"Yes, I know that it tastes dreadful, Remus, but it is essential to your life if you wish to come to Hogwarts this September."  
I looked up at him. How did he know that I had thought that Wolfsbane was disgusting? _Hold on, _I thought, _what did he just say?_ Then the reality of what he had just said hit me like a tidal wave. I was going to Hogwarts this September?

"Yes, that is what I said." _How did he do that?_ "You will be going to Hogwarts, and will be attending as a full-time student. Your father told me all about your talent, and it would be a crime to allow such a gift to go to waste."

I was still giddy with excitement and happiness, but a question came to mind. "Sir, will I not be a danger to other students, if I'm turning into a wolf every month?"

Dumbledore nodded. "Yes, Remus, there is danger. But I have made the necessary arrangements to allow you to study normally. There will be work involved, and yes, there will be plenty of Wolfsbane," said Dumbledore, as I made a face. "Do you feel up to it?"

"Sir, I will do anything to go to Hogwarts." I made myself determined, and Dumbledore smiled even more.

"Very well, Remus. We have much work to do. Books, cloaks and other things to buy. Tell me, Remus, have you ever heard of a tree called a Whomping Willow?"

TO BE CONTINUED


End file.
